Men Are the Only Option, (Thank God!)

I recently did something stupid as a man. This is not all that unusual. I do stupid things all the time, (see the aforementioned “man”). What was unusual is that I came to a brilliant conclusion because of my stupidity:

Thank God men are the only option, (let me explain). 

Men are a fascinating species. We can send rockets into outer space, invent complex medicines to treat diseases, design incredible architecture, come up with things no one has ever heard of, (personal computers, Iphones, Go-Pros), climb impossibly high mountains, break the sound barrier, run higher, work harder, fight battles, save princesses, and use the Force!

claudio-luiz-castro-1394288-unsplashIt’s not that women can’t and haven’t done many of the same things, (heck they can even use the Force now), but most people concede the greatness of women. It is men and their contrasting stupidity and greatness I’m concerned with here. Men can do amazing things!

And yet…

Men are the same species who will blow off their fingers lighting firecrackers, try to jump over the Grand Canyon in a motorcycle, attempt their own gall bladder surgery, and invented the “pull my finger” game. Men are a incredible dichotomy of brilliance and stupidity!

Here’s a great example of a man in action. Years ago my wife and I were attending the pre-birth class the hospital gives when you’re having your first child. (After the first child you’re on your own). We were in the class with other couples and the nurse was talking about the birth process and the cutting of the umbilical cord. At this point a man in the class raised his hand and said, “I’ve got this really old pocket knife that belonged to my daddy. Would it be alright if I cut the cord with that knife?” The nurse politely said, “no”. The guy’s wife, reacting to his ridiculous question, instantly jabbed him in the ribs and told him to shut up for the remainder of the class.

ManWhat’s amazing to me is that this guy was there with a woman! There was a female out there willing to procreate with this idiot. And I’m not picking on this guy. I’m amazed there was someone out there willing to have a family with me because I’m just as much as a moron as umbilical cord guy. I do dumb stuff all the time. I open my mouth and moronic things come out just as naturally as breathing. I’m not intentionally trying to be stupid, insensitive, or clueless. It just happens because I’m a man.

But here’s the funny thing. WOMEN HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. We are the main option for women if they want to procreate and have a family. Women, just like umbilical cord guy’s wife, continue to marry and have families with idiots like us. If there were any other option, men everywhere would be in deep trouble. If handsome martians came to earth and they were kind, considerate, strong, and most importantly, not morons, then men everywhere would be out of luck. 

*Of course men are not the only option. Women have been known to hook up with other women, adopt kids, etc. This probably all started because of men’s stupidity. Some girl somewhere said, “To heck with it. That’s the last time I let you do your own electrical work and burn your eyebrows off. I’m leaving you for Doris!” This entire paragraph seems like an opportunity for me to say something stupid, so I’ll just move on.*

Men are a fascinating creatures. A man has the capacity for incredible greatness, feats of heroism and ingenuity, and yet the same man will come home, forget to hang up his jacket and then inadvertently make a joke about his mother in law IN FRONT of his mother in law. Amazing. 

What’s even more amazing is that God has made us the only option for women. (There are other discussions for other blogs, but let’s just roll on). Women consistently allow men to befriend, court, romance, marry, and make families with them, even though they know that best case scenario they are only getting a slightly smarter version of Larry from the Three Stooges. Thank God for doing whatever he does to make women like us men, (in spite of our best efforts to screw it up). Thank God for making us the only option for women everywhere. 

Just make sure to keep a look out for handsome martians…and hey, pull my finger. 

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